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Your "indiscretion" before you and he were married is off the books. You should not still be feeling guilty over something that is a non-issue. As far as his cheating goes: No,there's no "get over it" until he has acknowledged his fault, asked forgiveness and has made a sincere and sustained effort to improve whatever led to the infidelity. And even then it's not easy. He doesn't sound like he's making it any easier. If you've been to two different counselors, and everyone is telling you that he's emotionally abusive (and just about everyone here, too), then he probably is, don't you think? The question is: What to do? Personally, I suspect that your marriage is irretrievably broken. He is an alcoholic, he is an emotional bully and he cheats. Each of those alone are much deal breakers but all? The cheating alone would be enough to send me filing for a separation. He has done so much to erode the trust that is necessary in a solid marriage. If I were you, I'd talk to a family law attorney about your rights and what information you need to gather (financial/identity/assets/etc. for everyone) Then sit down and assess your situation as objectively as possible:, job, finances, living situation, etc. and make plans and contingency plans (- you need a restraining order, where do you go if you have to leave quickly, bags packed for you and, etc.) At that point, decide what you want to do. Separation? Divorce? After you have your ducks in a row and you are clear on what YOU need out of this situation, sit down with him and tell him what you want. If it's a separation, then if he wants to try and save this marriage, you want him to attend AA and counseling. You be attending Al-Anon. If he's not willing, then on to Plan B divorce. Write it down if you need to you're going to be stressed, sometimes it's good to have a "cheat sheet" (no pun intended). Regardless of how "strong" you are, you can't keep giving and giving of yourself
without any way to "refill the well". Marriage is supposed to be two people holding each other up emotionally, physiy and spiritually. I don't that happening for you, now. He isn't going to change without. Any change is going to have to come from you. Good luck.
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